Today's Disciple

Instant Transformation: The Tool Box of Dan Cathy – The Railroad Spike

by Neal Eller on Sep.03, 2010, under Leadership

The purpose of the railroad spike is simple – it is driven into the ground to keep the rails firmly in place preventing the rails from moving and the train from derailing.   Here are the points that Dan Cathy made about the railroad spike:

  • I heard this at the SBC Convention in the late 70’s.  “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”
  • Our role as a leader is to keep the main thing the main thing, and our main thing is His (Jesus Christ) main thing.
  • We have to make sure we stay on track – there has to be clarity of purpose and clarity of focus.
  • We must continue to find new words and fresh ways to think about our main thing.
  • I (Dan Cathy) am always looking for new adjectives, new words to express and communicate new ideas and concepts.

It is not unusual for me to come across a pastor who has no idea what their main thing is; it seems most are chasing after the “elusive butterfly”!  There is a phrase in the 1966 Bob Lind hit that speaks powerfully of what I see and hear from a lot of church leaders, “It’s only me pursuing somethin’ I’m not sure of!”

It is no wonder our churches are off track because they are derailed.  There is no longer a main thing, there is no longer focus, there is no longer clarity, there is no longer purpose, and there is no longer one mind! 

Pastor, allow me to help here.  If you need help in knowing what the main thing is, it is this . . .

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30, ESV)

And it is this . . .

“And Jesus came and said to them, ’All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.’” (Matthew 28:18-20, ESV)

If the above is the main thing (the track in which you run), then what is the spike that keeps the track in place?  It’s the Gospel, of course!  Until next week – blessings!

Leave a Comment more...

The Real Marriage Test? How you handle conflict

by Eddie Thompson on Sep.02, 2010, under Marriage

Everybody has conflict. If you can’t see your shoes for your tummy, you have a conflict. If you have too many bills at the end of the money, you have a conflict. If you are married and sleeping on the couch, you have a conflict. If you are in ministry, you might BE the conflict. Conflict is everywhere. It is inevitable. Yet, who teaches us to deal with it? Well, almost no one. So we default to whatever is most natural for us.  But if we don’t learn how to EFFECTIVELY deal with conflict, we will probably leave a long trail of broken relationships.

The first step in learning how to deal with conflict is learning what not to do. Researcher Scott Stanley  (http://www.prepinc.com/main/prep_team.asp) in a very detailed 15 year study, covering 138 married couples, came to the conclusion that how a couple handles conflict says more about them than any other single factor.

In drawing their conclusions they discovered that the presence of just four conflict “germs” had ruined many a marriage. These germs are:

1) Withdrawal – when someone refuses to deal with the conflict, or they leave the room or shut down emotionally. They simply refuse to talk about it. This often creates an angry pursuer who wants to resolve the issue but cannot.

2) Escalation – making mountains out of molehills, or allowing small arguments to turn into large ones.

3) Invalidation – putting down the character or opinions/thoughts of the other person.

4) Negative Interpretation – It’s called MIND READING and sounds like this: “I know what you are thinking, and it’s negative.” This means the couple’s communication has now broken down and they are left with guessing. Mind reading is a dangerous game.

The great thing about all this is when a couple can reduce or eliminate these “germs,” then whatever was good about them to begin with usually comes back to the surface. In other words, negative outweighs positive by a long shot.

So if you’ve tried some positives to woo back the one you love, try eliminating some negatives instead. Then all the positives will work as you intended.

Leave a Comment more...

Renewing Worship

by Brian Upshaw on Sep.01, 2010, under Church Health, Discipleship, Leadership

I’m glad to introduce you to Kenny Lamm, our new Worship consultant. Kenny is a man with a passion for God, a hunger for true worship and discipleship, and a heart for the nations. He launches his new blog today, “Renewing Worship.” Here’s a taste of his first installment:

Less than a year ago, I was happily serving a NC Baptist church as missions and worship pastor, and God began to shake up my world.  In a whirlwind of Divine intervention, God took a very happy guy who had been serving a wonderful church for 23 years, and shook up my life to lead me to a job I didn’t think I could ever want to do.  God’s ways are much wiser than our ways. Read more here.

Leave a Comment more...

Instant Transformation: The Tool Box of Dan Cathy – Peanut Butter

by Neal Eller on Aug.27, 2010, under Leadership

I couldn’t help myself; I figured if America’s Funniest Videos can get away with it, certainly I can resort to either an animal or child to draw in the millions that read my Friday blog! 

“It’s no secret that we dogs just love this stuff. I can’t explain it, but once I catch a whiff of that lip-smacking snack, all I can think of is devouring a whole jar of it right then and there! So you must be wonderin’ if all that peanut-buttery deliciousness is healthy for your pooch.”  To get the answer to this question and some great pooch peanut butter recipes go to “It’s a Dog’s Life” website. 

No, this is not a baby picture of Dan Cathy with his peanut butter but after hearing him and his love for peanut butter (a certain brand I will not reveal), I bet if he could get away with sticking his head in a jar or smearing himself with it, he would!

There he stood in front of our group holding a brand new jar of peanut butter.  How did I know it was new? He screwed off the plastic lid, pulled off the freshness seal, closed his eyes and snorted; uh . . . I mean inhaled long and slow so he could capture the odoriferous scent of fresh roasted peanuts wafting out of the jar!  It was as if we were watching an addict getting his fix for the day. 

We waited with mouths watering for the leadership wisdom to emerge and then he said, “If you put peanut butter in the microwave, you can pour it into an ice cream mixer and it is fabulous!”  He then said holding up the jar of peanut butter, “I always buy the small size.  If you order the small size, you get to tear the freshness seal more often.  You peel it back and it smells like a peanut factory; this is the only time you get this smell!” 

I thought, “Where in the world is Dan going with this?”  And then he said, “I want to stay fresh in my thinking.”  Dan Cathy proceeded to tell us of his opportunity to meet and talk with Dan Nordstrom (5th generation and chief executive of Nordstrom.com) about how Nordstrom almost went under and how they lost a lot of their business to Land’s End.  Personally, I did not know the story and I did a little research for you to learn about this amazing story of the 100 Years of Nordstrom.  There is also a book on this transformation called, “The Nordstrom Way: The Inside Story of America’s #1 Customer Service Company.”

Then Dan Nordstrom gave Dan Cathy this leadership advice, “Never lose your sense of relevancy with your customer.”  Thus, this one core value and essential DNA element of Nordstrom missing almost became their demise.  It wasn’t until 2001 Nordstrom began to “focus on returning to the core of the business.”  And what was the core of their business?  It was being close to the customer and focusing on them! 

Pastor, this leads me to ask of you several questions:

  • What is the focus of the church you have been called to serve?
  • Is it past time to get back to the core of The Great Commission?
  • How are you staying relevant?  What are you reading?  Who are you listening to?
  • What relationships have you established with unbelievers or the “never-churched” to learn more about today’s culture?
  • Who are you discipling?

Your leadership is dependent upon the sweet aroma you emit!  Your leadership, focus, and future should never be stale but as fresh as a first-time opened jar of peanut butter! Where is digital scent technology when you need it? 

In the words of Dan Cathy, “stay fresh”!  Next week we will look at the thumb drive – until then, blessings!

Leave a Comment more...

Not My Dad!

by Eddie Thompson on Aug.23, 2010, under Family, Marriage, Parenting

This is in honor of my dad, Phil Thompson, for his 70th birthday!

Some men have left a trail of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams…
but not my dad.
Some men always seem to disappoint their family, pleasing only themselves…
but not my dad.
Some men go from job to job, never settling anywhere…
but not my dad.
Some men abandon their friends when their friends let them down…
but not my dad.
Some men run from medical problems, taking the easy way out of pain…
but not my dad.
Some men give up on golf when they can’t exactly score the way they want…
but not my dad.
Some men fudge a little on their golf scorecard…
but not my dad.
Some men have, perhaps, 4-5 grills during their lifetime…
but not my dad.
Some men make a big show of things to impress others…
but not my dad.
Some men fade in their fellowship with the Lord as they grow older…
but not my dad.
Some men consider it a chore staying married to one woman for a lifetime…
but not my dad.  
Some men quit living when they retire…
but not my dad.
Some men could never say they are respected and loved…
but not my dad.
Last, but not least…some men live a lifetime filled with regrets, always considering the past as greater than today…but not my dad.

So, here’s to you, Dad, on this happy day. May your days continue to be strong and be filled with great joy. Thanks for being a great example of so many things to so many people…especially to us, your family and friends.

Leave a Comment more...

Instant Transformation: The Tool Box of Dan Cathy – The Shoe Brush

by Neal Eller on Aug.20, 2010, under Leadership

This leadership principle is simple yet profound. It is a principle that only one person has achieved to perfection.  Dan Cathy laid the shoe brush on the table and told the following story:

Dr. John Avant, pastor of First West Monroe, LA was asked the following leadership question by Mr. Cathy, “What is the most difficult challenge our leaders face all the time?”  John answered with the following story:

John was preaching a revival in TX.  He witnessed a young man who had a little box that got on his knees and began to polish the shoes of an older African-American man.  John being curious asked the young Caucasian man about his story.  The young man told him he realized he had to ask forgiveness for his prejudice and God impressed him to shine the shoes of this and other African-American men.

This one example of true humility, brokenness, and servant leadership inspired Dan Cathy to purchase 1,700 shoe brushes to give to the employees of Chick-fil-A.  He then challenged them to go polish the shoes of others!

When I heard this story I immediately thought, “This is how Jesus would illustrate servant leadership to his disciples today.”  You see, Jesus washing the feet of his disciples was not about feet sanitation.  It was not about carrying out the custom of the day where the house servant washed the dusty feet of those coming into the home.

You ask, “What was this whole foot washing thing about then?”  Jesus tells us outright what this means in John 13:13-17, “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘LORD,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your LORD and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (NIV)

Still don’t get it?  Read what Paul says in Philippians 2:5-8, Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross! (NIV)

There you go – leadership wrapped up in a nice little package.  The Holman Christian Standard does it in eight words.  I also like very much the way Eugene Peterson has paraphrased verse 5 in The Message.

Still don’t get it?  Well pastor, I “triple-dog dare” you to get polish, a shoe brush and starting polishing the shoes of total strangers until you do get it!

If you have not read John Avant’s newest book, I recommend it to you, If God Were Real: A Journey into Faith That Matters.

Next week we are going to look at Dan Cathy’s peanut butter – until then, blessings!

Leave a Comment more...

Instant Transformation: The Tool Box of Dan Cathy – The Baton

by Neal Eller on Aug.13, 2010, under Leadership

Two weeks ago sitting in the Corporate Offices of Chick-fil-A in Atlanta, GA with the Southern Baptist Leadership Network Group, I was mesmerized by Dan Cathy, President and COO of Chick-fil-A as he pulled out items from an old leather bag he called “his leadership tool box.”  He laid a number of ordinary items and one extraordinary item on the table and said to us, “pick one.”  One leader immediately called out the extraordinary item: an Olympic runner’s baton.  What you see in the picture was what was lying on the table. 

Dan picked up the item and told the story of how he acquired the baton from a friend who was training the Olympic runners in Colorado.   He then went on to share with us his leadership insights using the baton as his metaphor.

  • John Maxwell – “success is all about succession” 
  • This has to be on the front of our agenda.  Our dreams will be short-lived.  Who are we going to hand this baton off to?
  • Dan to the Olympic coach: “Tell me about the exchange.”
    • It’s all about the exchange not necessarily the fastest runner
    • It’s the team that gets the baton around the track first
    • The exchange when it is done right, it is a non-event
    • We have to think of succession as a non-event
  • It’s all about continuity
  • Cultural expectance of change
  • It helps a lot that the person taking the baton actually takes the baton
  • The sound of death is the dropping of the baton!
  • An example of a great handoff is Jerry Falwell: one son leading the school and one son leading the church

I could spend a long time just on this subject alone.  It is a very common leadership mistake I see – leaders who hang onto the baton too long and never hand it off.  I believe the Builder and Boomer Generations are especially guilty of this egregious error.  We hold on as long as we can because it is more about us and our kingdom.  We then become ineffective leaders resulting in narrow-minded, tunnel-vision, and irrelevant decisions.  Why? We have refused to develop younger leaders, we have refused to empower younger leaders, and we have refused to listen to younger leaders.  Heaven forbid if younger leaders make a mistake or take a risk! 

I am 57 years old and I am taking this message to leaders who are Builders, Boomers, and older Busters:  “Let go, train/mentor/disciple younger leaders, and let God!”   At 57 years old, I am asking God these questions: “When am I to let go as a leader? How can I leave my place of service in a much better position to be of significance for the Kingdom of God and a place where a young leader can lead well?  Where do You want me to go and what do You want me to do differently that I may bring You glory?  How do You want me to finish well?”

Now . . . take 1 minute and 28 seconds to view this AP report on the 2008 Olympic US Track and Field Team.  Once you have finished, how would you answer the questions?

embedded by Embedded Video

YouTube Direkt

Questions

  1. What is the key to passing the baton?
  2. What is the responsibility of the outgoing runner?
  3. What is the responsibility of the incoming runner?
  4. How does this translate into your leadership?
  5. Whose hand do you need “to grab”?

Bob Buford has helped me greatly in this area with his books, “muse-letter”, and website.  Also, I recommend reading John Piper’s book, Don’t Waste Your Life.

Next week we are going to look at Dan Cathy’s shoe brush – until then, blessings!

1 Comment more...

The Ugliest Game in Town

by Eddie Thompson on Aug.12, 2010, under Family, Marriage

My mother told me several times as a teenager, “Eddie, it’s hard to smell your own stink.”  I guess she meant it’s hard to see your own faults (or she meant I should take a shower). Whatever she meant, I got the message and it’s stuck with me.

So what does that have to do with marriage and family issues? Well, a lot. On my last post I began a short series about the most common problems I’ve encountered in helping couples in crisis. The first one was  Marriage Problems Are Not Always What They Seem. http://blog.ncbaptist.org/todaysdisciple/category/family-ministry/

The second biggest marriage problem I’ve encountered is called the Blame Game. This is where one or both see the OTHER person as having most or all of the problems. “If they would only change,” or “it’s all their fault” is often a recurring theme.  While there is usually some kernel of truth in what they are saying, what they cannot sense is their own stink. They can’t see their own problems because they are too busy concentrating on the faults and flaws of the other person. Then it begins affecting every thought and every action. If they don’t stop the blame game, the marriage will eventually disintegrate. It really is easier to blame others than to take an honest look at what’s going on. This is a dirty game with no winners…only losers.

I recognize the blame game. I played it to perfection when my wife and I got married in 1981. I internally blamed her for everything that was wrong. “If she would talk differently, or dress differently, or if she would get off my back,” I thought.  On and on it went without my understanding the problems I was causing.  No one had ever confronted me about the bad habits I had or the poor excuses I gave for so many things. But she seemed to be good pointing them out. In turn, I found it easier to isolate myself from her and dismiss what she was saying. Of course she could feel me pulling away.

About 18 months into our marriage it all came to a head. One morning as she was leaving for class (she was still a college student), she sternly said this (actually fire was shooting out of her eyes and smoke was coming out of her ears): “You don’t love me. You don’t want to be with me. You don’t want to touch me. It’s like we’re brother and sister and I don’t know why you married me.”  Ouch! But wait! I thought she was the problem. But I knew better. I was having trouble smelling my own stink.

God used those bitterly honest words to chip away at my ugly self-centered life. About two years later, not only did He radically transform my life, He also showed us how to begin living out a marriage that honored Him (and each other). But the first thing we had to learn was to take individual responsibility for the mess we had made.

How about you? As you read this you could be caught up in the blame game as well. But would you be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to speak about how you may be contributing to the problem? Honesty is usually the first step. Remember, this is something between you and God before it’s between you and your spouse. Then you can learn to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and He can do what you never could do – alone. The blame game can stop with you.

Leave a Comment more...

Instant Transformation: The Tool Box of Dan Cathy

by Neal Eller on Aug.06, 2010, under Leadership

It’s a brand we all immediately recognize.  It’s the sign I scour the horizon for when traveling.  And when I hear the name, my mouth starts to water like Pavlov’s dog!  Little did I know I would get to personally meet one of the “big chicks” myself!

Last week the Southern Baptist Leadership Network met in Atlanta, GA at the Corporate Offices of Chick-fil-A.  During our two days at the corporate offices, we had the opportunity to meet and dialogue with Dan Cathy, the President and Chief Operating Officer of Chick-fil-A.  Here’s what I learned about Dan Cathy in the 3,600 seconds our group spent with him.

Dan was very engaging from the moment he entered the room and actually caught me off guard.  And why not, in one hand he was carrying a purplish-pink frozen smoothie from McDonald’s he was sipping on and in the other hand he was carrying another deep purplish-pink frozen smoothie in a cup bearing the Chick-fil-A logo.  He looked at us with a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face and said, “Research”! 

From that moment, he had captured my attention and I edged closer to the end of my seat wanting to absorb every nugget of wisdom he would pass my way!  I discovered Mr. Cathy is a Godly man that exemplifies Christ-like values. He truly values the Chick-fil-A family and their customers.  Read the following except from his blog he wrote in June:  

            Those employees aren’t numbers. They’re not just data. They’re moms and dads. They’re college students with dreams. They’re high school kids learning the value of hard work. They’re people just like me with hopes and fears and goals and friends and family – - Same with the customers.

            The customers are never numbers. They are dads taking their daughters out to dinner on date night at Chick-fil-A. They are moms who need a playground and a healthy meal for kids on the go. They are friends who camp out with me overnight for the grand opening of a new Chick-fil-A.

Dan was there to talk leadership with us and he did it in a most interesting way.  Along with his smoothies, he was also carrying a small leather bag, you know – the kind that “Doc Adams” would carry with him to attend to one of his patients.  He put the bag on the table and began to pull out of the bag item after item.  He called this bag his “leadership toolbox”. 

Over the next few weeks I am going to be sharing with you items from his “leadership toolbox” along with his comments around leadership. So . . . stay tuned for next week’s episode to see the first item from Dan Cathy’s Leadership Toolbox.  Until then – blessings!

Comments Off more...

Marriage Problems Are Not Always What They Seem

by Eddie Thompson on Aug.05, 2010, under Family, Marriage

After 20 years of trying to help couples in crisis I thought I would post some of the most consistent marriage problems I’ve seen. I think readers will find it interesting. Who knows? Maybe it will help you as much as it’s helped me.

As you read, consider that this first problem may also be the most misunderstood:

Problem # 1 – Drifting Away From Each Other

If it’s true in our relationship with God (Hebrew 2:1), then it’s equally true in marriage. Like two row boats that are being battered by the wind of the world and daily life, couples have to keep rowing back towards each other – consistently. If not, they will eventually drift so far apart they may not be able to find their way back.  It should not come as a surprise that new relationships seem very tempting when a spouse seems a million miles away. It also shouldn’t surprise anyone just how many problems surface when a couple begins drifting.

And as you might guess, most couples misunderstand this. Not sure what to do, they attempt to fix the symptoms, which, by the way seem magnified: communication, pride, blaming, withdrawing, threatening, money, sex, anger, defensiveness, selfishness, etc. Trying to fix the symptoms doesn’t work and only brings on a host of new problems. Admitting they are fundamentally disconnected and living independent lives is a start.

So what ONE BIG THING could keep our marriages from drifting? It may sound simple but I believe I can prove it works:

Establish a daily sharing time. I believe the first minutes you are together at the end of the day sets the tone for everything else. The couples who intentionally give undivided attention to each other the first 5-10 minutes at the end of the day seem to stay connected more than others. After all, God designed marriage to be the priority relationship of the family. The kids, the dog, TV, internet and email can wait until you’ve had time to let each other know about your day and how you feel about it. It’s a powerfully effective way to let your spouse know what’s going on in your life. Sharing the day’s experiences, good or bad, is part of sticking together.

Case in point: I recently met with a woman whose husband rarely spoke to her. I asked her what happened when he came home each day. She said the kids were usually doing their homework on the kitchen table and it was very chaotic. When he walked in he simply retreated to another part of the house, speaking to no one. 28 years of marriage was nearly ruined because they had not established a pattern of re-connecting at the end of the day. After we talked she decided to try an experiment without telling her husband. She sent the kids to their room at the appointed time and gave her husband 10 minutes of quiet, undivided attention when he walked in the door. After just two weeks she said she felt more love from him than in many years. The drifting was finally over.

Thanks for reading. Check back next week as the series continues…

Comments Off more...

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!